[ he just nods, unsurprised by that answer. Cairngorm is so cute when they're embarrassed, though - his eyes linger on them for a few extra moments while they walk together, charmed. It's not as though he's intending to go announce it to the world, either; he has tact, and a bit of discretion is called for when it comes to matters this personal. But unlike Cairngorm, Lupin isn't very conflicted about this, nor is he shy about it, and he has experience, too. Whatever they're comfortable with is what he's going to go with.
he smiles at them gently. ] No reason, really... I just want to know what you're feeling. We can even keep it a secret, if you'd like.
[ this is new for them, and probably kind of scary. He's okay taking it slow. ]
[ When he says that, they turn to look at him as they keep walking, almost searchingly. Being given such open control over where this will go between them is a little strange, as they don't usually think about what it is they want out of something. But if he doesn't given them an indication to what he wants, then there's nothing for them to latch onto to follow or dodge.
What do they want? ]
It doesn't...have to be a secret.
[ They say, looking at the snow in front of them at their feet. No, it doesn't have to be something they want to hide. Maybe there are actually some pros to having it be known...? Of course, they don't imagine anyone else is interested in them in this way, but for Lupin— there is the likely possibility (to them) that there are others who are far less immortal and incompatible as they are. They certainly wouldn't blame him for choosing an easier road to walk, but if this is the one he's going to choose, then they'd rather not compete.
Letting their hand fall back to their side, they glance up from the ground only to make sure they're on the path toward their house. ]
If others find out, they find out. But it's not their business...
[ no worries, Lupin's not leading them off into another cheesy tryst - they are indeed heading back towards Cairngorm's house, though he's taking his time compared to how he'd run off earlier. They're less uncomfortable and fluttery than he'd thought they would be after all this. Maybe he should have let the moment last longer back there... He only regrets it a little. ]
Got it. Your wish is my command.
[ that was about his plan, anyway - although he figures a few people will want to know and find out pretty soon. Cairngorm's right, after all: this isn't anyone's business but theirs. ]
I'm not sure it would last so long, anyway. Those two roommates of yours seem pretty nosy.
[ They're feeling uncomfortable and fluttery on the inside. At least, as much as they'll let themself acknowledge. In the moment, they want things to be normal with him, until they let all this sink in and make sure this isn't some very vivid dream - or worse, that he doesn't actually mean it. It's still hard to believe he can say anything he has with the conviction that he does.
At that, though, they let out a dramatized sigh, closing their eyes momentarily. ]
They are. Both of them...
[ But in different ways. For someone as emotionally reclusive as Cairngorm, it grates on their nerves a considerable amount to have people around them that want to know their business. But that's life. And they're essentially handcuffed to Phos for the rest of their life anyway, so they feel surrendered to that to a degree. ]
But I haven't talked to them about you at all. [ Because it was never relevant. ] Not like you have.
[ They give him a little knowing glance from the corner of their eye. It turns out they were right after all to be suspicious of Minato's weird message a few weeks back. ]
[ he makes a sort of noncommittal "ah" noise at that, shaking his head slowly. Looks like he got caught. Of course, Lupin only gets caught when it doesn't matter whether he lays low or not - he's just feeling slightly apologetic towards Cairngorm for leaking his feelings to other people before them. (Their not talking about him doesn't sting when he's never known them to talk about anyone unless they're complaining.) ]
I like you so much that it started interrupting my daily routine - if I didn't say something, who's to say what might have happened? I could've smudged the ink in my letter or something.
[ it's apparent he doesn't actually regret it very much. ]
... Really, though. Sorry. I know I should have told you, first and foremost, but I wasn't convinced yet that you thought anything special of me.
[ Their eyes widen at his admission - that wasn't what they meant. They just meant that they don't mention Lupin to other people, like they knew he had mentioned them to at least Minato. They'd thought he might've just spoken about them in a very positive way that might earn some suspicion; they didn't think he'd actually blatantly reveal to others that he was feeling this way towards them. As soon as they notice their brief surprise, they dart their eyes back to snow in front of them, scrambling for a response. ]
...Oh. [ Is what comes out, sort of lamely, as they shake their head. ] So that is what Minato meant when he said you only had good things to say about me.
[ Back then, they didn't want to make a huge leap at such a vague sentence, despite how odd it had struck them as. But it feels... really nice to know that he's thought of them so positively for so long. Thinking back to everything that's happened between them, now with the knowledge that this is how he's felt all along, enough so that he told other people, too? They feel lighter, somehow. Their expression becomes sort of clumsy, their hand coming to fidget with the tie at their collar. ]
Well, it's— whatever. I guess you've been serious about this for a while, after all...
[ Like him, they weren't that convinced he thought anything particularly special of them until quite recently, and even then, their belief is always muted by their low self-esteem. ]
[ his brow furrows just slightly - not at Cairngorm, but at Minato, wherever he might be at this moment. What had he been telling them, exactly...? Not that Lupin distrusts him (quite the opposite, hence the reason he actually told him), but he does know Minato has a knack for trying to help out. Yeesh. Well, he can't have said too much, or else Cairngorm would have had a better sense of what's coming. Or maybe panicked and avoided him. It's hard to say.
It doesn't matter now, so it's little more than a fleeting thought. He notices their nervous fidgeting, perceptive as he is, and just hopes that it's because they're embarrassed and not because he's coming on too strong. To get through a thick head like theirs, he doesn't think he has much of a choice... ]
Sort of. Like I said, I didn't know what you were thinking. For all I knew, I was just a weird, fleshy alien in your eyes. [ among various other worries, some of which they've already discussed. he idly kicks some snow as he walks, eyes falling down to his feet. ] It would be a gamble, getting serious. I think I knew that, so I kept putting it off. I couldn't tell you exactly when I started really considering it - considering us, that is.
[ he's thought they were alluring and beautiful since the moment they popped out of that well on the first day, sure - thought certainly in an unorthodox way. When he started falling for them, though -- he can't pinpoint a specific moment. ]
You are a weird alien. What do you think I thought you saw me as? [ They say that much bluntly, scoffing a little. ] You've been considering it long enough to talk to others about it, and to make this weirdly elaborate plan. That's enough for me to know it's been a little while...
[ Which is more than they can say for themself. No matter how attached they already knew they were to him, it never crossed their mind once to talk to him about it. No, they really would have been fine just avoiding him and keeping this all under lock and key - they're both lucky he's so persistent. ]
Not that I would be able to tell when you started thinking about it either. [ They look at his profile, and their expression softens. ] You've been doing things for me that others wouldn't from the start.
[ Their voice is quiet - not out of any fear that someone else will hear, but plainly because they're deciding to say something personal to him, something vulnerable and honest, even if their expression belies any weakness. Their house is coming up in both of their lines of sight, still a bit away, so they feel they should say... something to him, something to reciprocate all the affection and consideration he's easily handing them. ]
[ Persistent, and perceptive enough to guess that they probably felt something different for him, even if they tried their damnedest to stifle it. Lupin doesn't expect them to have answers for him. It just feels nice to be able to finally say these things to them. Most people would probably be embarrassed; he, however, delights in it, in being able to express all these thoughts directly. Cairngorm's house comes up almost too soon - but with any luck, he'll have the time to say everything on his mind in however long they have left together. Once their destination is in sight, his gait slows until it comes to a stop, still distant from their doorstep.
For a brief moment, he meets their eyes and catches that soft look, and he tucks it away into his memory. It can be hard to tell when Cairngorm is being affectionate. But that look and the shift in their voice convinces him well enough. (Wasn't that one of his wishes from the start - to be someone special to them?) ]
I've no intention of stopping that.
[ it's sad that nobody else has treated them how they deserve - but he's glad that means he's the one who can. His eyes are warm, with the heat of a promise just below: he'll keep being the only one to do those things, to make them feel that way. One of his hands slips from his pocket, and he holds it out to them palm-up, expectantly waiting for their own. ]
[ If they're being honest, they're a little surprised when he stops, looking over at him curiously. As stubborn as they act, they are actually a follower at heart, so even when they're convinced this little rendezvous must be coming to an end, they're still willing to let him change the course, even in the last moments. It'd be hard not to, anyway, when he's looking so warmly at them.
However, when he offers them his hand, they're reminded of the first time he'd done this, back at that dance. They'd been genuinely irritated by his antics and wanted out of his proximity as soon as possible. But the Lupin before them now; despite his kindness being a constant, they think of him and feel for him so differently now that it almost feels like he's an entirely different person. Maybe they are too, with how little they hesitate to rest their hand in his compared to that time. ]
...?
[ They choose not to say anything, letting their mildly confused expression do the talking - he must have something in mind that he wants to say or do, but they have no idea what. ]
If I dropped you off right at the door, I couldn't do this, right?
[ his next action is just the same as it had been at the dance, too - he takes their hand and leans down to press a kiss against their knuckles. This time, though, there's no mischievous smile or cocky teasing; his eyes are closed reverently, and the moment lingers a little longer than a simple friendly goodbye should. Because, of course, it's more than that. Reality's setting in now - not that he hadn't been aware before, but really setting in - that he's allowed to do this; he can do more than just think about touching them before chasing the idea away. He can hold them without needing an excuse. If he bends down to kiss them, they'll reach up to kiss him back. That reality. Now he has to let them go, but when tomorrow comes he can come back to them without any curse or town magic opening the path for him.
Lupin's a confident man; he wouldn't have done any of this if he didn't believe it would end as he hoped. But he's still just a man, and a young one. His heart beats faster, happier, and as cool as he tries to keep his expression, there's an excitement in his eyes when he raises them towards Cairngorm again and an eagerness in his smile he can't entirely hide. His other hand covers theirs when he lowers it, holding it gently between his own. ]
I'll come see you again tomorrow. [ despite what he'd said earlier, about disappearing, that's worded like a promise, too, with that same heat - like he'll make it happen no matter what. ] Goodnight. Sweet dreams, Cairngorm.
[ It's addictively sweet, to be treated this gently and with so much care. They feel themself falling for him a little more with each time he gets close to them - no, with each time they let him close to them. He said he'd try to make them happy, but the truth is, they're already happier than they've ever been around him. Where they'd be now if not for being brought here, if not for meeting him...
They meet his eyes, quietly, tenderly. It's only when he speaks again with such passion that they seem properly shy, only refusing to break eye contact so that they can remember this moment forever. They want to remember this feeling, and they want to remember how he's looking at them, even if it is only this once. ]
...Okay.
[ Gently, they grip his hand back, too unsure to try anything else. It'd be nice if he would kiss them again before he left, but they're not quite confident enough to do it themself. And they're pretty content already, evident by how relaxed their expression is, and how their lips are pulled into an easy line - it's not a smile, but it'll be among the most pleasant expressions he's ever seen them make. Something about them makes him feel so strongly, and he loves them. Letting both of those sentiments catch up to them in the space of a few moments - of course they would seem more content than ever. ]
Be careful going back.
[ They don't say it to nag him, but just out of a genuine desire for him to make it back safely, so they can see him again tomorrow. They care about him so much, maybe too much; but he cares about them too. They're finding it's marginally less difficult to show it now that they're more certain of the fact that they matter to him, too. ]
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he smiles at them gently. ] No reason, really... I just want to know what you're feeling. We can even keep it a secret, if you'd like.
[ this is new for them, and probably kind of scary. He's okay taking it slow. ]
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What do they want? ]
It doesn't...have to be a secret.
[ They say, looking at the snow in front of them at their feet. No, it doesn't have to be something they want to hide. Maybe there are actually some pros to having it be known...? Of course, they don't imagine anyone else is interested in them in this way, but for Lupin— there is the likely possibility (to them) that there are others who are far less immortal and incompatible as they are. They certainly wouldn't blame him for choosing an easier road to walk, but if this is the one he's going to choose, then they'd rather not compete.
Letting their hand fall back to their side, they glance up from the ground only to make sure they're on the path toward their house. ]
If others find out, they find out. But it's not their business...
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Got it. Your wish is my command.
[ that was about his plan, anyway - although he figures a few people will want to know and find out pretty soon. Cairngorm's right, after all: this isn't anyone's business but theirs. ]
I'm not sure it would last so long, anyway. Those two roommates of yours seem pretty nosy.
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At that, though, they let out a dramatized sigh, closing their eyes momentarily. ]
They are. Both of them...
[ But in different ways. For someone as emotionally reclusive as Cairngorm, it grates on their nerves a considerable amount to have people around them that want to know their business. But that's life. And they're essentially handcuffed to Phos for the rest of their life anyway, so they feel surrendered to that to a degree. ]
But I haven't talked to them about you at all. [ Because it was never relevant. ] Not like you have.
[ They give him a little knowing glance from the corner of their eye. It turns out they were right after all to be suspicious of Minato's weird message a few weeks back. ]
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I like you so much that it started interrupting my daily routine - if I didn't say something, who's to say what might have happened? I could've smudged the ink in my letter or something.
[ it's apparent he doesn't actually regret it very much. ]
... Really, though. Sorry. I know I should have told you, first and foremost, but I wasn't convinced yet that you thought anything special of me.
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...Oh. [ Is what comes out, sort of lamely, as they shake their head. ] So that is what Minato meant when he said you only had good things to say about me.
[ Back then, they didn't want to make a huge leap at such a vague sentence, despite how odd it had struck them as. But it feels... really nice to know that he's thought of them so positively for so long. Thinking back to everything that's happened between them, now with the knowledge that this is how he's felt all along, enough so that he told other people, too? They feel lighter, somehow. Their expression becomes sort of clumsy, their hand coming to fidget with the tie at their collar. ]
Well, it's— whatever. I guess you've been serious about this for a while, after all...
[ Like him, they weren't that convinced he thought anything particularly special of them until quite recently, and even then, their belief is always muted by their low self-esteem. ]
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It doesn't matter now, so it's little more than a fleeting thought. He notices their nervous fidgeting, perceptive as he is, and just hopes that it's because they're embarrassed and not because he's coming on too strong. To get through a thick head like theirs, he doesn't think he has much of a choice... ]
Sort of. Like I said, I didn't know what you were thinking. For all I knew, I was just a weird, fleshy alien in your eyes. [ among various other worries, some of which they've already discussed. he idly kicks some snow as he walks, eyes falling down to his feet. ] It would be a gamble, getting serious. I think I knew that, so I kept putting it off. I couldn't tell you exactly when I started really considering it - considering us, that is.
[ he's thought they were alluring and beautiful since the moment they popped out of that well on the first day, sure - thought certainly in an unorthodox way. When he started falling for them, though -- he can't pinpoint a specific moment. ]
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[ Which is more than they can say for themself. No matter how attached they already knew they were to him, it never crossed their mind once to talk to him about it. No, they really would have been fine just avoiding him and keeping this all under lock and key - they're both lucky he's so persistent. ]
Not that I would be able to tell when you started thinking about it either. [ They look at his profile, and their expression softens. ] You've been doing things for me that others wouldn't from the start.
[ Their voice is quiet - not out of any fear that someone else will hear, but plainly because they're deciding to say something personal to him, something vulnerable and honest, even if their expression belies any weakness. Their house is coming up in both of their lines of sight, still a bit away, so they feel they should say... something to him, something to reciprocate all the affection and consideration he's easily handing them. ]
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For a brief moment, he meets their eyes and catches that soft look, and he tucks it away into his memory. It can be hard to tell when Cairngorm is being affectionate. But that look and the shift in their voice convinces him well enough. (Wasn't that one of his wishes from the start - to be someone special to them?) ]
I've no intention of stopping that.
[ it's sad that nobody else has treated them how they deserve - but he's glad that means he's the one who can. His eyes are warm, with the heat of a promise just below: he'll keep being the only one to do those things, to make them feel that way. One of his hands slips from his pocket, and he holds it out to them palm-up, expectantly waiting for their own. ]
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However, when he offers them his hand, they're reminded of the first time he'd done this, back at that dance. They'd been genuinely irritated by his antics and wanted out of his proximity as soon as possible. But the Lupin before them now; despite his kindness being a constant, they think of him and feel for him so differently now that it almost feels like he's an entirely different person. Maybe they are too, with how little they hesitate to rest their hand in his compared to that time. ]
...?
[ They choose not to say anything, letting their mildly confused expression do the talking - he must have something in mind that he wants to say or do, but they have no idea what. ]
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[ his next action is just the same as it had been at the dance, too - he takes their hand and leans down to press a kiss against their knuckles. This time, though, there's no mischievous smile or cocky teasing; his eyes are closed reverently, and the moment lingers a little longer than a simple friendly goodbye should. Because, of course, it's more than that. Reality's setting in now - not that he hadn't been aware before, but really setting in - that he's allowed to do this; he can do more than just think about touching them before chasing the idea away. He can hold them without needing an excuse. If he bends down to kiss them, they'll reach up to kiss him back. That reality. Now he has to let them go, but when tomorrow comes he can come back to them without any curse or town magic opening the path for him.
Lupin's a confident man; he wouldn't have done any of this if he didn't believe it would end as he hoped. But he's still just a man, and a young one. His heart beats faster, happier, and as cool as he tries to keep his expression, there's an excitement in his eyes when he raises them towards Cairngorm again and an eagerness in his smile he can't entirely hide. His other hand covers theirs when he lowers it, holding it gently between his own. ]
I'll come see you again tomorrow. [ despite what he'd said earlier, about disappearing, that's worded like a promise, too, with that same heat - like he'll make it happen no matter what. ] Goodnight. Sweet dreams, Cairngorm.
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They meet his eyes, quietly, tenderly. It's only when he speaks again with such passion that they seem properly shy, only refusing to break eye contact so that they can remember this moment forever. They want to remember this feeling, and they want to remember how he's looking at them, even if it is only this once. ]
...Okay.
[ Gently, they grip his hand back, too unsure to try anything else. It'd be nice if he would kiss them again before he left, but they're not quite confident enough to do it themself. And they're pretty content already, evident by how relaxed their expression is, and how their lips are pulled into an easy line - it's not a smile, but it'll be among the most pleasant expressions he's ever seen them make. Something about them makes him feel so strongly, and he loves them. Letting both of those sentiments catch up to them in the space of a few moments - of course they would seem more content than ever. ]
Be careful going back.
[ They don't say it to nag him, but just out of a genuine desire for him to make it back safely, so they can see him again tomorrow. They care about him so much, maybe too much; but he cares about them too. They're finding it's marginally less difficult to show it now that they're more certain of the fact that they matter to him, too. ]